I am starting to loose steam on my desire to continue breastfeeding. There have always been more reasons to stop, they are just starting to come to the forefront of my mind. Like..... having to wear a bra 24/7 is irratating, having my nipples sucked by a pump five time a day is less than awesome, taking the time to pump, having Ellie crawl all over me while I try to pump, taking my pump with me and finding a place to pump while we leave the house for a day, pump parts and pump bottles cluttering my counter, having a pump bag sitting in our living room... and it doesn't help that I feel less of an attatchment because I pump. Ellie wakes up once in the early morning and will breastfeed then, so I don't have that breastfeeding bond like I did with Whitney. During the day Ellie does not want me AT ALL anymore.
What is keeping me going is the nutrition of breast milk. It is what she has been drinking for 7+ months. I fed Whitney for 11 months so I want to do the same for Ellie. I stay home so it isn't as difficult to pump as I make it sound. My supply is just fine. Ellie will take formula if she needs to. And least important to me but is a nice bonus, is that breast milk is FREE! I am undecided what to do, set a new goal to keep going to 8 months??? Oh yeah, they calorie burn of breastfeeding is a nice bonus too. I won't complain about getting sucked down to pre pregnancy weight after two kids in a matter of six months. BUT, it does take a lot of energy to breast feed and some days I feel completely depleted, no pun intended.
The Bible study that I went to last year started back up again. Wade was able to watch the girls and I was able to attend worry free. Sometimes it amazes me on what the lesson is on, like they knew I was going to attend this week. It was about the power of our tounge and the words we use. How quickly it can praise or critisize and the effect our words have on people. I tend to complain and be critical to Wade, which he tells me all the time I need to think before I speak and am I intentionally trying to piss him off? The study asked if you have recently started a fire with your tounge that you needed to put out. Why yes, just last week. How did they know? So, it was a good reminder for me to watch what I say and to be more careful and selective with my words. I hung the lesson on my fridge for a daily reminder. Just as I say to Whitney, if you speak nicely to me I will speak nicely to you.
I Am Coming to See You!!
3 months ago